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Six months ago I was a depressed, nervous wreck of a human being. I was working job I hated, in a failing relationship, and I was making middle of the road music that I was unhappy with. My whole life was middle of the road… I had convinced myself that the life I was living was the only life possible for me. I had essentially trapped myself, but was only semi-conscious of it.

 

Over night I made the decision to leave all of those things behind and move to Belgrade, Serbia, the city I was born in. It wasn't a running away… (I know myself well enough to know that I can run away from circumstances, but I can't run away from my own shitty self).

 

At first I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I had thrown myself into a very different (although not entirely unfamiliar) world. I was born in Belgrade but had spent relatively little time there throughout my life. Maybe it was just being in a different place... I don't know… but something about this city made me feel alive again.

 

Belgrade has all the familiar capitalist glory of any worldly metropolitan city but it also has something more. There is a sense of urgency, panic and immediacy coupled with a VERY laid back attitude towards life. It is a city full of beautiful contradictions. Embodying things I love and things I absolutely hate. Its raw, and it brought out an honesty in me that I have never been able to invoke. Making the music I was making here just felt right in every way. I can safely say that I've never been more proud of something I've created. I hope you guys will give it a chance and enjoy

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
I was almost sexually molested and murdered… I think.

 

I was out on a Monday night not too long ago. Nothing crazy, just a low key Belgrade night walk. A musician friend and I were talking shop as we sometime do and around 1 am I decided it was time for me to head home.

 

On my way home I spotted a large, blonde woman in her mid thirties. She was standing beside the Technical faculty, near the Tesla statue. She was wearing a lot of beige. As I grew nearer I could tell that she was extremely inebriated. We're talking blackout drunk.

 

I didn't really think much of the situation as I walked by her, until I heard a cheerful, but slurred "Young man!!" from behind me. I slowly turned around because I wasn't sure she was talking to me. "Young man," she repeated "can you help me please!?" Her tone was shrill and panicked. "What do you need help with?" I asked. "Please, sit down" she replied motioning to a bench close by. I was a bit irritated at this point. I felt like if this were truly some kind of emergency she would have immediately told me, but I abided. We sat down and she began blubbering "Ugggghhh I don't know… I just need your help. I don't know what to dooooo". "Well you can begin by telling me what the problem is." I said. "My cell phone! I've lost it! Its here somewhere…." She was crying at this point. Alright, I thought, she's just drunk, this is simple enough: I'll dial her number, call her phone, find it, and then be on my way. It took her a few minutes but she was able to remember her phone number and I began calling it.

 

"Where did you see it last?" I asked patiently. "Oh it's just in my purse somewhere. Feel free to dig around for it." She plopped her enormous purse onto my lap. Annoyed I began digging around the purse for her phone feeling for some kind of vibration. Suddenly I felt something cold, metal and sharp along the tips of my fingers. I looked down and saw a TEN INCH BUCHER'S KNIFE in her purse. Needless to say I was a little weirded out, but I continued to look for the phone and moments later found it.

 

I picked it up and handed it to her, trying to act normally. "Thank you!" she cried. "No problem" I said awkwardly handing her back her purse. She brought her shoulders in, haphazardly attempting to give me a sort of "thank you" hug. We hugged and she held me for an uncomfortably long time. I kept looking over her shoulder to make sure her purse was a safe distance away from her grasp. I was worried she might have plans for the knife she was casually carrying around. As I pulled away she made that face, you know that glazed-half-eyes-closed-make-up-smeared-mouth-open-tongue-out face that is the universal drunk sign for "I want to kiss you". I politely tilted my head back and to the left at an awkward angle so as to avoid our mouths meeting. She noticed and was unimpressed.

 

"Well I guess I'll be going now" I said getting up to leave. "What?" She said "You're leaving?" "Well I helped you find your phone, I was going to go home now" I said shuffling in place.

 

Now to all those people thinking "WTF why didn't you just leave as soon as you touched the knife, you idiot???" Let me explain something about myself. I am an idiot sometimes. I care too much what people think about me. It's completely selfish and it's a character flaw and I'm working on it ok? For some reason in this moment I cared what full-figured, drunk, blonde thought about me.

 

"You can't leave NOW?" she said as if what she was saying was completely normal and I was insane for thinking about leaving. "Well I'm leaving" I huffed, getting increasingly aggravated. I started briskly walking towards my domicile when I heard "Well then I'm coming with you!" Curvy blonde started trotting behind me at a rapid pace!!! I didn't really want to break stride but I wanted to get away from this crazy person so I continued to power walk. She caught up to me and I could see that she had her phone to her ear as if she was making a call. She gripped my left arm with surprising strength and said into the phone "Hey Ivan! I'm with some guy right now! Yeah that's right you'd better come get me, I'm on the boulevard!"

 

I didn't want to stick around and find out what kind of guy "Ivan" was. I shrank my arm as much as possible and slipped it through her grip in a covert ops move. I jogged all the way home. She seemed to get the message at this point and stopped following me.

 

Just one of the many crazy experiences I've had in Belgrade.

 

I've been really nervous around knives ever since.

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 6 months later...

a tx to sam danas slusao na yt, mislio sam da je to ep a album onda nes drugo. ok mi je u celini, na momente podseti na iris.

 

uglavnom kad je manje otkaceno a vise vuce na obican synthpop mi je bolje nazalost, vise bih voleo da je obrnuto

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poseduje dobar balans cudnog (leftfield) i tih toplih synth momenata. nove pesme mi se cine jos pitkije.

samo se pripremi, ako se odlucis da odes na koncert, najverovatnije ce nastupati u japankama i nekom sorcicu, plus siledzijka. ne ide nikako taj imidz sa ovime sto peva, ali to su vec modni ukusi. :haha:

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I've been anxious lately. Not for any reason in particular but because I'm an anxious person in general. Thankfully there's no shortage of things for me to be anxious about. Any time I need an excuse to send myself into a existential, sleepless, solipsistic panic I just google Fukushima, or one of the various on-going world conflicts, while scrolling past people drenching themselves for a cause. I guess they're in need a break from it all too.

I spend a great deal of time in an area of Belgrade called Mirijevo. It's a bit removed from the city center and as a result a bit quieter. There's a running joke that it's 2 degrees cooler than the rest of the city or maybe I just made that up.

 

One of my favorite things about Mirijevo is the stray dogs. I don't like that there are strays, that's sad of course, but the strays themselves are quite brilliant. They travel in small packs and generally spend most of their time around the local market (for obvious reasons). Sometimes they bark at cars, but mostly they just keep to themselves. Sometimes on my night walks there'll be one that has strayed from the pack. She'll follow me for a bit, maybe let me pet her, but she'll always go her separate way. They're blissfully unaware of the possibility of human co-dependency (not that I have anything against pet companionship). But they are truly free.

My favorite is this one I've affectionately named "Old Face" (in my head). She's old and forever she's had this HUGE circular scab on her back (I'm talking like a foot long) from what I assume was mange(? not sure). She's kind of a loner. Has a place right by the bus stop, conveniently close to the supermarket. Sometimes I buy her a couple of cold cuts and feed her. She's always just kind of hanging out. Recently her back has healed up completely and she just has large circular patch of fur growing in. I'm glad it seems like Old Face is going to be okay. Maybe if Old Face is going to be okay I am too. Maybe we will all will. (*said in Linda Hamilton's voice *cue Terminator 2 theme Doo doo doooooo do do dooooooooooo)

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