DramatisPersonae

Not one morn your hand has hold'd No cloud your face wore No raindrop ever fell for you Nor will my thought by you be scorn'd I seek thee out... But you don't exist Not even in a green leaf Nor in a stone that holds my grief Nor in one life full of pity I live driven with thee. You are in nothing, not even in me Just a field of sorrow under a shadow of ... nothing Can wake a hunger for emptiness inside me Be nothing, like before you became something Remain to be my letter My ephemeral emotion in a sea Remain to be a death I hung long time ago But, please, don't be... A crow flying above me The eye in darkness beholding me In the end of every sentence, thought, acts, A star on clouded sky, likewise A moon of woe, nourishing my wretched soul Please don't be on every face I see Inside my words, mirrors, eyes Don't be reverbation of solitude, attendance of Quietude, stagnation of thee Since... This gloomy shadow hung upon me is too big And the pain it carries to me is too heavy For me to take it; too much sorrow is in me For you; to understand it. The flame of candle doesn't dances gayfully playing with shadows No, it strugles for life, drenched in tears The wind doesn't breathe cheerfully, it carries the scent, stillness, touches Of a thousand graves, caressing warmfully your face with nails Darkness doesn't dies with light, it hides, and waits for you As darkness sprouts from letters of this, it springs out of thee Out of every man, animal, thing, sound, picture, put of thee. Each day and night, sadness sprouts it's roots heedlesly. All that in me has now left is... Sadness,Pain,Longing,Burden,Tiredness. All that in me has now left is... Darkn'd and empty. As dark as tommorow, black as sorrow; Empty as my words that used to mean something... Breakfasting bloody incised hope; Lunching elseone's misery and sorrow; Dinnering a blinding illusion of hope. While I write about you... Who exist not.

Where is it? My dearest? Who hides the sun? Where is it? The wind passes by Me and the grains of sand. The echo brought my scream, But it was too meek.

Inache, doradjivana je pri kraju sa jednom drugom pesmom... Elseones sorrow With the finish of this word An angel has flown into my room I watch, and I hear it's call for winds so distant to open my windows. A little white child smiles to me but sorrow dwells in his eyes. I walked towards him, but the distance left whole. In this little black room That white it suddenly became, Like with roots for ground entangled Mine and his shadow are left to stand. I stretched my arm to touch the star it went, further, and further And almost I felt the white star in my hand But in my eyes away, and away. And flashed white light, again. There was no dark. neither there was light, Just me alone in a little black room stood. Suddenly I heard a gust of wind I stepped back and the window shattered A row of wind flew in Carrying scents of night. And warmth on my cheek spread The warmth of summer mountains And the scent of blossomed flowers And in their happiness withered. that scent took me up all the way 'til clouds of no sky in front of me gates of paradise, But the doors were to heavy to open Then I felt suddenly, from behind A hand drew me back I opened my eyes , and the color of gray Drowned the scent with no regrets. And, again in darkness I stayed Light was engulfed by silence But, alone was not I For the angel's shadow of light with me stayed. And again empty moment rises Dreams my room are taking Heavy eye-lids are closing In waiting for new wakening. And I fall. is it already an end? Is it Sun shining ? And placing me in that glow. but that glow gave my darkness an end. Why hills? Why ? Can't you protect the darkness? When I cannot Angel's shadow, hide the glow And sad, I opened the window, And I saw people walking, And I saw elseones sorrow with the winds flying through my windows. And the darkness left with the entrance Of someone’s sorrow, I bled, ‘till now. Now the angel stayed and smiled And we talked, for hour’s long miles. Oh Life! Unwinding road! Wind for me, but leave me whole. But... The eyelids were open. And then, there was silence... No utterance no name. All the maimed have been killed. And I am the one to blame... For all... And before my judgment I Stand tall. No utterance, no movement, no name For what I have done. And where does pride run low? Where does it end all? This pain of gloam, this Bottomless gloom, inside my hole? Oh the silence gave no name, But a whisper threw at me, I now hold. And the sun dived into that darkness So bold... It utters not a single sole word. And the darkness left whole, Smiles, but speaks no more.

Podignuto saznanje, iz dana straha, Venama navire, krvavim bujicama. Lica u ovim oblacima, otichu duboko, duboko unutra. I zive ponovo, snovima animirana, Kao epitafi, uspomene secanjima, Ljudskom rukom, tuga stoji ispisana. Kroz vazduh mokri, cepa visine Kao jablan kakvi, sto ponosno stremi I odoleva svemu, odoleva zemlji. Jer samo oni koji iz zemlje izniknu Samo oni su poseban soj Zauvek sami, usamljenog zivota roj, Leteci ka pocetku svom Secanju zaboravljenom. ---------------------------------- Loshe, znam.

Eyes of mercy Still be, Dont blink See me Make my dream. Hands of grace Have no fear Hold a while Love searing, And ply, to halt my sigh. And Smile, Divine, Just for me Innocently smile Heal back, this Heart o' mine... My little Angel In your eyes I see The lake of my tears But, dont cry; please. I shall live, beyond my dreams.

Waste ye not, not one drop, drink my red, with your eyes where doth once love abide. Haste me not, for I’ll fall, across this life, a lost soul, in my body my love grows old. Grow shall not, not one rose, for garden I’ve sacrificed, for moss and mold. But rise from ashes Phoenix fiery and bold! And not one, but two, Both in their loves scold, Return to fulfil the prophecy untold: Two become one, stronger than before.

There are four walls, that entrap But not my eyes, nor my head In the dusky world they trap But one heart, long left dead. And between a light shines Mostly grief it pale sheds Searing eyes, mostly blind With the scent of the dead. The air here is old and fusty, Like the one in misty moor Vizen flowers, and hands dusty Makes the sunlight seem so poor. While the shadows on walls creep Aptly dancing playes of sleep Inside my grave, where I used to dream Reckoning cognition of my present being. And so it came to be...

Kontam.

Nem' pojma gde sam ga nauchio... Prirodno prokletstvo, valjda... Srpski sam nauchio da chitam u trecoj godini, pa mi niko nije prevodio filmove... i onda sam mogao da pomnije pratim zvukove koje su izgovarali... Znash, kad si mali, imash puno volje da uchish, ne odbacujesh stvari u pochetku... I, tako.. puno muzike i filmova mi je pomoglo da razvijem engleski... no sa "struchnijim" izrazima sam se sreo kad sam pocheo da pishem... pre jedno pet godina... Prva pesma mi je bila na engleskom! Zvala se "one". Pocheo sam da davim... Shekspira sam pre jedno dve godine uzeo da chitam, ali samo sonete, jer nishta drugo od njega nisam prochitao! Ja ne chitam knjige... dobro osim nekih stvarno obaveznih... kao npr. Niche, Hese itd... Tako da nisam prochitao chak ni Hamleta... Uvek sam se izvlachio uz interpretacije pesmi na srpskom... Shta cesh... Ucur...

Ha! Pa jado, ono ispod linije su gavrani koji lome tishinu srca... U stvari ovo sam napisao pet minuta pre no shto sam trebao krenuti na posao... I napisao sam to cisto da napisem neshto, poshto nisam nishta pisao odavno... Onako, usput.

nijesam pijo, a valjda josh nijesam prso skroz...

Ne znam kako procenjujesh, ali znam da se dosta vidi u tvojim "Đelima". Sorry, malko sam hepi...

O.k. O.k. Melindo.

But sweet blessing and weal in mind, I ne'er wanted your soul, just your thigh! Thigh! Ne'er mind... I da, bash zvuchi shekspirovski jer sam to pisao dok sam chit'o shejkspira... Mislim u tom periodu, ne bukvalno dok sam ga chitao...

Ono ispod linije su gavrani.

I proshetaj se po groblju bez spomenika. Samo mrtva, siva muka. Hodaš, tražiš svoje ime, sa nekom svećom si zagrljen. Pod osušenim suzama potopljen. I još jedan dan odlazi, dok se sumrak spusta, Gavrani lome tišinu, tišinu tvojeg srca. ------------------- Ti hodaš, Ti hodaš mali čoveče! Tvoja noga gazi opalo lišće, Ali i meke vlati trave... Ti hodaš, blagosiljan da hodaš. Zašto koračaš kroz sumorne pejzaže? ...tvoje groblje... Iznad meke blatnjave zemlje, Tako poznata lica naslikana stoje, Tvoja ruka kao da traži... ...Hodaš putem popločanim, Pod kojim čekaju te... I iscedi poslednju kap svojeg straha, Zakorachi napred, tamo, negde nasred mraka... Zar ne chujesh zov? I tishina, i bol... Zidovi su davno skupljeni oko tebe, Dok sedish u nekom coshku, naslonjen od samog sebe, Grabish svoju kosu, Opala je... I pala je... U pakla ponore... Gubish vid, ruke stezu se... Gubish snagu... Poslednji dah... Izdishesh se...

I lay, down here, beside you; You stand upfront, above me. By that my look upon, beseech you Praise this your week hour, and place an anchor in your mind, Be the veselage for my heart sour, and allow me in your heart to thrive, Make this night bleak by light endowed, and love me, as my love loves thine. Thy gentle eyes shall ne’er fade, so deep and warm, they gentle cry. Cry the world out of your eyes, out of deep and vastful place, of your heart. Be thy smile universe unbound, as I lay here down, beside you, My hands will hold your body now, as your soul escapes you. For I have you now, the angel of my dream, I have your pale and soft skin. I know that in your eyes, I exist not, and you dream of other some, and I’m here jester of fun, making faces and being dumb, But my hand trembles not, nor my heart has seed of doubt, nor am I jealous, nor persistant one; I know my dove, of need in your heart to fly, to the clouds of your sweetness to some other guy. But sweet blessing and weal in mind, I ne’er wanted your soul, in my hands, just your thigh.

Obratiti pažnju na čitanje 4te strofe... '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' I have lost my summer; there is no spring to engreen my sing; Even the autumn’s rains have fell. But the snow lasts in its singe. I have lost my hours, they fell like sand. Only grey blusters in front now, Which bare no merit, nor gay. It is empty waiting, sightless gazing A wretched hour of facing the truth everblazing, And to singe your face in it’s taste sour. Make haste ye hope; send regards to the ones I love (d). And vainfully do your stupid show, and play your plays (carefully) plan’d Alas! Gnarl’d hope, whencefore ye emergeth from of my eyes slope? Why crave to show that which I so dearly from others hide? Yet, you had no power; for as darkness’ befoul’d by light, Before her, you are such; relieved of might. And strive now into vanity, by your self foul’d, Stay enclosed in my heart, like this fleeting hour.

Elizabeth Elizabeth, it surley is most fit {logic and common usage so commanding} In thy own book that first thy name be writ Zeno and other sages, notwithstanding And I have other reasons for so doing Besides my innate love of contradiction; Each poet - if a poet - in pursuing The muses thro' their bowers of Truth or Fiction; Has studied very little of his part, Read nothing, written less - in short's a fool Endued with neither soul, nor sense, nor art, Being ignorant of one important rule, Employed even in the theses of the school- Called - I forgot the heathenish Greek name {Called anything, its meaning is the same} "Always write first things uppermost in the heart." Edgar Allan Poe

Bio bi u pravu pre jedno godinu i po dana... Sada si samo blizu. A zashto sam ga postovao ovde ako je sranje...? -pa sve ima svoju svrhu, i upotrebu... koliko god ona mala bila i skrivena nashim ochima.

Molim. A gde je taj tvoj blog?

o.k... kad vec moram da se objashnjavam... Ja voleh, svojstveno samo mojoj ljubavi i u maniru iste; no, nije dugo proshlo dok nisam shvatio da vec ono shto ja vidim nije ono shto jeste... (uh... htedoh reci da ona nije ono shto ja volim...) No, ipak, svojstveno mojoj ljubavi, ona je rasla i razvijala se... I uskoro ono shto voleh me je preraslo, iako je ona davno otishla. Tachnije, ja nisam nikad ni voleo nju, voleo sam je samo u mojim pesmama... ali ne do neke bolesne granice gde ja otelotvorljavam moju imaginaciju. Ja sam uvek bio svestan realne situacije, no samo sam zeleo da sanjam. Ali, to sanjanje mi je pridavalo bol, pa upravo zbog toga, pri kraju, gde ja vidim sa njenom prazninom u ochima, ta ljubav postaje svrha sama sebi, i odvaja se od telesnog/fizichkog pojma. A ako lishimo ono chemu nasha ljubav tezi, dobijamo chistu ljubav, tj. blazenstvo,,, ili kako sam ja pompezno iskoristio: Nirvanu. Shto se tiche blogovanja, go rajt ahed! Aj dont majnd et ol.

HA! Pa bash se tako i zove zbog kraja...

"Ne sećam se više. Zaboravih sve."

Tužan pogled kroz zatvoren prozor se prelama negde na polovini puta do kraja. Sa umorne grane još jedan zlatni list prerano pada. Kroz betonske ulice popločane lišćem prolama se krik mehanizovanog koraka. I onda, naglo, bez najave, kapi iz tmurnih sivih oblaka poplaviše korake. Dajući ritam koji igra na mom prozoru. Pogled mi se odiže gore, prema horizontu. Dok samo jedno crveno sunce kroz oblake, bledu svetlost baca. Polako i ono nestaje iza teških oblaka. Polako, kao što beše korak kapi na mom prozoru, što se trkaše. I onaj poslednji crveni odsjaj od zlatne ulice se prožima visoko i ono nestaje. Možda u oblacima. Možda u njima sve nestaje, kao i ja što bledim zbog ove ljubavi. Zbog tog nemilosrdnog, rasparajućeg osećaja što kuca mojim grudima. Samoća u kojoj sam rođen, samoća u kojoj moje srce živi, prožima se krvlju kroz mje telo, pa čak i u onaj žalosni osećaj što ljubav beše pre nego što ga je moja senka zarazila. Voleh i to beše sva složenost moje ljubavi. Voleh prosto i tupo. Prosto tupo i glupo. Koliko dugo se sada pokušavam setiti tog osećaja što osetih kada prvi put zaronih u tvoje oči? Slika stoji predamnom, ali vreme svojim čeličnim kandžama pocepa i onu poslednju mrvu što me je činilo Čovekom. I poslednja kap skliznu sa mog prozora. I poslednji zrak umirućeg sunca zaspi u mojim očima. Sa stolice ustadoh i otvorih prozor. Tmina mi polako i nesigurno ulazi u sobu, obavija je sobom, daje joj neki tužan i čudan izgled. Moj um polako započinje san, dok se oči bore za poslednje prizore umirene ulice, pale kiše, sjaja žutog zlata dok se ono provlači kroz ogolele grane drugih drveća. Umire u tami jedan svet da bi ustupio mesto drugom. Topli vetar se rasu po mojim obrazima, i začuh neki tihi šapat jednog malog imena. I gle! Krv opet kreoz moje vene zajuri čista i nevina. Srce opet zakuca jače i sigurno. Osetih kako se vetar koji započinje igru na mojim obrazima raširi kroz celo moje telo. Kao da osećah tvoje ruke na mojim leđima, i svu onu staru toplinu. Polako se okrenuh i predamnom se tvoje oči raspsnu u hiljade boja. Nestala si. Probudih se. I opet ona stara umornost se zakači na oči moje i nastani se u mojoj ledenoj krvi. Zamolih dan da mi ne pokvari san. I nadam se u to. Međutim, danas moje oči uhvatiše tvoje, i ni jednu boju ne videh, i tvoj pogled je prošao kroz mene. Ili to behu moje oči što su prošle kroz tvoje? Ne sećam se više. Zaboravih sve. 24.11.2002